Skyline Revelations

So I'm back home now, and as I sit in my unfamiliar room sitting in my unfamiliar chair in front of a monitor I'm not accustomed to seeing, I'm left listening to U2's "New York" realizing that I'm no longer in New York, and it's back to suburbia for me. I sit in my room at home which is twice the size of my room back in my dorm, and yet I feel less at home here than I was on floor 14 overlooking Union Square.

When I was still in high-school you'd be shocked to find me living in the east coast. I was all about staying in California. My sister went to school out east but I dared never to go that far. California was too comfortable, too perfect, too ideal, to hard to leave. And yet, the closer I got to graduation the more I wanted to get out the Golden State. Not so much that I hated the place, but I wanted to branch out, try something new, experience new things. I wanted to write a new chapter, and carry along with me great stories that I would be able to joke about over a bonfire back home.

But now, halfway through my college years I have difficulty defining where my home is. Is it the place where I grew up, or the city which I have fallen in love with? Is it the comfortable, quiet, sunny suburban lifestyle that I was so accustomed to, or the hustling, loud, obnoxious, concrete jungle that I have come to grown accustomed to? As I packed my belongings to go back to California for the summer, it finally hit me how much I had become a part of New York City, and how I have embraced the place. I caught myself staring outside my window just watching the cars go by, the people walking in and out of traffic with a purpose. And as I sit in front of the computer monitor, my window is open to the street, and yet I hear nothing. No car noises, no yelling, no police sirens. I feel more antsy here than in the city. The quiet is unnerving, different, something I haven't heard in months. And I begin to feel this weird feeling of homesick, and yet I am theoretically "home". But each time I come back to California, I feel home is slowing drifting out of this place and more so into the city which I spend the majority of my time in.

I remember getting countless advice from adults when I was ready to set off for school in the east coast. "Do everything you possibly can, because college is the best time of your life", "Don't let college pass you by". I took these words for granted, and as 2 years have gone by I have yet to do two-thirds of the things I was looking forward to doing when I arrived. If it wasn't for me staying in the city over the summer, I wouldn't have even done one-fourth of the things I want to do. Also have to give credit to the fact that I did the majority of the stuff 4 days before I left for California. Yankee/Shea Stadium, Shake Shack did those. Hanging out w/ my friends watching the games at the bars, did that. Hoping around and not getting back home until day-rise, slogged through it. Yet, the list is never checked off, I have so many things I still have to do.

I think what kills the most is the connections that I've made with the city in and of itself. I've got friends, commitments, classes, teams, dates, credit card bills, sleepless nights, puke remains, lamb & rice joints, late night drunk-food stops here. I didn't just go to school in New York, I became New York. And it has changed me so much. I remember coming back after one year and having family friends comment on how much older I looked. I don't know if I matured, but New York I knew had to play a part. The place chizzles you, makes you tougher, more self-dependent. And it definitely matures people much quicker. I remember having a talk with friends over a few drinks about how much different they are now compared to their friends back home. They've got finance/marketing jobs in the city, paying their own rent, doing things on their own, while their friends are still working at the local grocery shop bagging stuff. I'm not saying either is better, but its just a different lifestyle. New York has changed me so much its hard to adjust back to the California lifestyle. I tell people I'm working at a hedge fund back home, and very few understand what that means.

Things are different here, sometimes for better (the weather is to die for back home), sometimes for worse (I just want a FREAKING PIZZA AT 2AM). I'll probably be in my California groove in a few days, but right now I am missing New York unlike any other. Not just the city, but my friends there, the commitments I made, the memories. New York is a special place, and I'm bummed I won't be back there until January.

Enough emotional nostalgia, better things. Watched the Rays sweep the Boston Red Sox on the plane back home, those guys are legit. Been rocking out to the new Coldplay album, you guys should take a listen to it, no matter what you previously thought of them give them another go. Horrible day for Bay Area fans, losing Brian Campbell to the Chicago Blackhawks, and Baron Davis to the LA Clippers. Next time I know Timmy Lincecum is being shipped off to some other team. Someone hold my hand now.

Over and out, and pinch me.